and you said cock pushups were impossible
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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