you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
