when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
