this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
