Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
