cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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