sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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