Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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