Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize