I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
