I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
