If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
soo... how was my night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
