You're so nebulous sometimes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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