I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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