margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
