Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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