Plan B is the new Plan A
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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