I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
