we have officially lost it.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize