it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize