the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
