Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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