I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
