My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
