just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
