today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
