I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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