Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
