Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
