Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
