A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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