omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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