So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
