so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize