oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
