i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
