i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My ass is underappreciated
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
