we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
