Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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