just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize