i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
