It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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