can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
