The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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