I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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