I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
