those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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