the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
