You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
