so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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