I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
