Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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