hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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