I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
