I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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