bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize