When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
