Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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