Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Are we still banned from the library?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
