I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
