You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
