hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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