My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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