im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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