I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
