Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
