So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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