sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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