he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
