operation harelip BJ is a go
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize