If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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