and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
