Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
