no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
