margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
