So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
