Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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