Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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