Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
