we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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