Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
