I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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