Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
