i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
