OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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