it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize