I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
