Already got asked if we're dating
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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