We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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