I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
